On Weddings and Engagements

They say that it is every girl's ultimate dream to marry. In fact, girls are expected to have this idea of how their wedding dress should look like, the people who will make up their entourage, their vows and how their wedding ceremony should go at a very young age. But despite the numerous weddings I have been to as a child, I never had an idea of how my wedding should look like. There was even a point when I became scared of the very idea of marriage as I have witnessed numerous marital problems when I was still a little kid. I also frowned upon the very idea of big and perfect weddings. Unfortunately, at a very young age, I was taught that a big wedding does not guarantee happy ever afters unlike those fairy tales that I have been very fond of.  I have to admit that there was a recent point in my life when I lost faith in love stories.

Things, however, changed. Perhaps, the factor that contributed to such change was the wedding of my cousin who was closest to me. We spent our teenage years, talking about boys and sharing our greatest secrets. I trusted her with everything back in college notwithstanding the fact that she was three years younger than me. A year ago, she got married.

I cannot describe what I felt during her wedding. Of course, I was very happy for her. On the other hand, I also cannot help but feel jealous -- after all, she was younger than me and she got married first. I grew fonder of weddings when I saw this video of a former office mate's wedding as well as when the news of my boyfriend's cousin's engagement broke out. Like every other girl, I cannot deny the fact that I also secretly wanted the same.

I am a sucker for the greatest love stories. I also love parties, dressing up and being the center of attention. Perhaps, these are the reasons why weddings appeal so much to me. Thus, after a close examination of myself, I know that I am not ready for the responsibilities that one must fulfill as a wife. Indeed, a wedding is one thing; marriage is another. So yes, it would probably take me five years (or more) before I settle down. At this point, all I can do is wish for someone in my immediate family to get engaged and attend their own wedding.

Perhaps the older sister of the cousin of mine who got married a year ago? (Hehe. If you are reading this, yes, I am looking forward to your wedding!) :)