Quarter life crisis

I was insanely bored at this three hour law subject earlier, which by the way I did not prepare for, when I started thinking about life crises. Lately, I have been wondering why I have somehow lost the urge to study, work or even communicate with my friends. I begin to wonder if there is such a thing as a quarter life crisis. Once I reached home, I fired up the internet and I discovered that there is indeed such thing.

Symptom number 1: insecurity

Hell yeah. I'm one insecure bitch but I have gotten over the physical aspect. Well, at least in some respect. Nevertheless, I always feel that I am not good enough for anything. In fact, it is just recently that I have been questioning my performance in school. Unfortunately, there are also numerous times when I simply want validation.

Symptom number 2: avoiding friends

I have to admit that ever since I've begun this life as a working student, I rarely see my friends -- high school, college and other random ones -- but at least I've got friends in law school. Unfortunately, I have been avoiding them as well. I sincerely do not know why, it's just that I'd rather spend my weekends curled up in my bed.

Symptom number 3: doubts with your plans

I am a third year law student. I will graduate in two years time and I sincerely doubt my capacity to become a lawyer. Surely, I have spent numerous nights crying over law school stuff over the past few years, threatening to quit therefrom once a sign shows up that I am not meant for this. Somehow, a sign would always prove otherwise and I'll be back in no time. But I rarely get this inspiration and drive. The only thing that pushes me to school is the thought that Ive put in too much effort and money that I do not want to waste the same.

Symptom number 4: I hate my job

Of course I hate my job. Freelance writing is but a temporary job that I resort to to put myself through law school. But as I have mentioned, the mere idea of becoming a lawyer has become very vague. I am suddenly drifting back to that old life where I just want to make a living out of organizing parties. Don't worry though I am not throwing law school away.

Symptom number 5: living in the past

They say this is evident as regards looking back at old pictures. There are numerous times when I would look at old pictures, wishing that I'd be as thin or as determined as I was back then. Oh and yes, I mentioned that I am avoiding my friends right? Well, I recently find myself hanging out with my little cousins, enjoying their company as compared with people mu age. Don't get me wrong. I love my cousins. But something tells me that this is related with my desire to avoid dealing with other people socially.

Symptom number 6: desire to escape reality

I'd prolly be on the next flight out of Manila if I just have all the time and money in the world.

Symptom number 7: financial constraints

It is undeniable that I am broke. I use my credit card like crazy and I have unpaid debts. I spend more than what I earn.

It is only upon the completion of this entry that I discover how greatly I am affected by this. So for now, I apologize if I rarely show up at events or maintain communication with friends. It is just a phase.